Lesbianing with AE! you have dropped for a buddy, but really does she really like girls? – AfterEllen

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Hey Lindsey,

Therefore I’ve been heading insane with trying to figure out if my any buddy likes myself. Very listed here is some of the points that have happened….So once we initial became buddies she made a create a keep and mentioned it absolutely was all of our infant after which she desired to fake day and I also swear she had previously been all flirty but once I shared with her that I appreciated the woman she had been all like i love you as well and a buddy and that I’m confused because I imagined I happened to be correct and that I was actually merely wanting to know wouldn’t you would imagine the exact same thing when someone did that to you?

-Becca

Hey Becca,

I have found it better to think men and women once they tell me how they feel—best considering that the choice is actually driving my self insane second guessing exactly why their particular terms and measures do not fall into line, just what changed, and whether or not it had been one thing used to do. That type of crazy making never will get myself anyplace. But for quite a while I got involved with it, and so I undoubtedly understand where your mind reaches.

The pal actually into you. She wants you as a buddy. You’re having trouble thinking this lady for the reason that her flirtatious behavior.

Discover finished ., however. Your pal might have desired to “fake time” you as a way to see if she would need to actually date you—and made the decision that she failed to need to date you for so many appropriate explanations, many of them being:

• this woman is attracted to you physically but not mentally or vice versa

• this woman is bicurious not willing to date a lady

• She has feelings for an ex and is alson’t prepared to be with any individual immediately

• She wants interest from women—and homosexual females readily target some other women despite their unique sexuality

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We have now discussing flirty friendships before, and
look for about that right here
if it helps you find closing through the entire circumstance.

You didn’t ask myself exactly what your pal had been thinking, though. You questioned the thing I could have made of the woman behavior plus the response is: it all depends.

Discover undoubtedly occasions i’d have believed she had been into me, while you did. You will also discover times I would have observed through the woman conduct in order to comprehend that she desired my passion and attention, but would not reciprocate romantically.

Discover certainly instances i’d have believed she ended up being into me personally, because performed. Additionally instances i’d have experienced through her conduct in order to comprehend that she desired my personal love and interest, but would not reciprocate romantically.

Does your friend recognize as a lesbian, or has she actually dated or slept with a lady? If this lady has already been directly recognized until she stated she wanted to fake date both you and have a bear baby, I then’d brush-off her conduct as common flirty/bicurious direct girl. I might have flirted and already been caring along with her in the event it forced me to feel good to accomplish this, although not expected it become everything actual.

Yes, for a few people, female sex is liquid plus some of those straight-identified women perform carry on to embracing your bi or lesbian side, eventually, occasionally with the women they flirt with. It would possibly happen—but it is uncommon, and it is normally a waste of mental power to follow those females.

Certainly, for a lot of, feminine sex is actually fluid many of those straight-identified women perform embark on to accept their unique bi or lesbian part, in the course of time, occasionally using the women they flirt with. It can happen—but it’s rare, and it’s frequently a waste of psychological fuel to follow those ladies.

If I understood she liked females and she acted this way, I would have believed I had an opportunity together with her and might have expected their out. However, she made herself obvious. She desires a friendship just. Carry out the woman (and also you) the benefit of believing the lady, and discover someone who is actually mentally available and is in fact a lesbian or bisexual.

If you would like pull-back through the friendship for a little while, because you’ve believed there was clearly prospective and you also’ve already been rebuffed, that is great. Require some area using this buddy and soon youare able to see the girl platonically again. Utilize that more time to pursue other females and come up with it clear to your girl mate you are driving for dateable ladies to erase any weirdness either of you might-be experiencing.

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